Sunday, January 11, 2015

Time for another birthday: 3 years and counting...

After a writer's block that has lasted a whole year, here we are...a year later and I still don't even know where to begin.

I guess I have been busy. By busy I mean binge watching shows on Netflix, working, healing, growing, traveling, learning, trusting life again and taking chances. All this does take a lot of time and effort, so much that following up with the blog has been in the back burner to be completely honest.

This post is mainly to celebrate. Another year, another milestone of how far we've come. It is learning to digest that life goes on whether if we like it or not. It has been about traveling to Italy, Colombia, Dallas, Corpus... phew! praying, counseling, working and connecting with David many times over and over again. Grief is hard work but here we are each one grieving in our own way but still going, still strong. Happy even. Who would've thought?

It has been 3 years of learning to be happy without guilt. 3 years of thinking about you Zach. Every. Single. Day. Without being consumed in absolute despair that's what healing is all about I suppose, remembering that I will see you again no matter what. Today marks 3 years of what IS and learning to be OK with that. That is what I am celebrating.

A couple of friends told me the other day that I looked happy, one even used the word "glowing". I supposed that they were right. I actually am. All this grief over time made me tired, weary, hopeless. Until I had enough.  Like breaking out of a cage after being starved for years, or like coming out of a really thick fog... I feel awake... and hungry. Oh! so very hungry! for life without guilt, without what if's. Still fully changed, I want to live life to the fullest with more intensity, more appreciation and more intention.

I have tears in my eyes as I write this, but they are almost happy tears, like bittersweet tears. I am looking forward to the future, to what God has in store for David and I, and for the first time in a long time I'm not afraid. If anything you made us stronger Zach.
You are still the best gift that life could give to us, and for that I am truly happy and grateful. From within.

Thank you for having come into our world beautiful Zach.

It is after all, a very happy birthday.

Another milestone that we reach together Zach.
Where does the time go?

I see you in all places big and small.
Here, in a random street in Rome,
we were lost and we found you.
I know that it makes you smile
when me and your dad are happy.

Remember all your family in Colombia?
How much they loved you and
how much they prayed for you?
You are still in their hearts too.

You taught me to appreciate every moment when you can.
Trust me I've been doing so. I have the pouch to prove it! 

Me and your Dad in a small town in Colombia.
It sure was nice. 

Me and your dad still in that small town in Colombia.
 Wow! we have been to quite a few places.
Oh! The places we'll go! 

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