Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Time to Light Candles and Release Balloons

"Because angels do come to visit us.
Every now and then,
and we have to make them feel welcome,
because they come to touch many lives.
Even if it's for a short period of time;
angels are here to be cherished
and be cared for,
and once you meet an angel, 
your life is never the same."

Yesterday, October 15th was "Pregnancy and Baby Loss" awareness day. I was really glad to receive a call last Friday afternoon from the Hospital that was in charge of Zach's home care to let me know about the event. I wish I had know earlier about this, I would have made t-shirts with the cute peanut's face on them... but oh well, I guess that will happen next year.

All over the world, on October 15th, candles are lit at 7:00 pm to remember all of our angels. The ones lost trough miscarriage, still birth, SIDS, or infants gone home too soon due complex medical conditions. I had to fight the urge to hug about every one in the park, we all had the same tears, the same heart ache, the same hope to see our boys and girls one day in heaven with our heavenly father, whole and healthy.

Next year, I want to make a big to do about it; hopefully with more time in advance we will be able to go all out. We are still new to this whole thing, so we weren't exactly sure how to act or what to do, we just showed up and David was assertive enough to get the biggest blue balloon available in the market. I know that our boy liked it.

 I spoke with some families that just like us, have walked the less traveled road, and it put things in perspective to realize that our Zachary, being two months and two days old, was actually one of the "elderly ones". Many of this children were with us for minutes, hours, a few days or weeks maybe... and it made me appreciate much more the time that I actually had with my boy. It also left me in awe the fact that this lives that lasted minutes or hours or even in the painful time frame of a stillborn,  this little ones were able to have a huge impact in other's lives. This precious lives happened and mattered. They mattered.

Find more information, resources and a beautiful online shop at www.ocotber15th.com

We heard that this year had twice
 as many people as last year!

Mommy Misses you every second,
every minute of every moment of every day. 

David got you the biggest possible
 blue balloon, hope you liked it. 

We look forward to see you again.

In the meantime, we hope to make you proud.
 (Or at least, no to embarrass you too much )

Time to Catch up

Lot's of happening around here lately, hence the reason why the blog has been kind of neglected. I'm kind of scared to see when my last post was, but let's see... I left off with a wooden desk from craigslist that needed a face lift, and now I'm writing on that very same desk. The office is pretty much finished, and now we need to finish our bathroom and bedroom, which are still without doors.

I also need to catch up with my energy levels, since the major remodeling. I've been feeling kind of weak and weary. It was nice to be extra busy and have a "break" to keep the mind and the body occupied, but I feel pretty worn out. David also had his back surgery in the middle of the whole make over. Thank God he's not in this excruciating pain anymore, and now it's just a matter of recovery. A slow but steady recovery and hopefully in about 5 more weeks I will have my hubby back 100%.

Steady and slowly we are getting a new sense of normalcy back. Sometimes after a long day at work we even eat and watch movies at night, just like everyone else. We work and try to connect with each other, and even pretend to function like the rest of the world does. It is HARD. It's easy to believe that we're getting over this rough times, that things will turn around and we might as well win the lottery or something along those lines because we are just like this amazing people who deserves it... but we're not fooling anyone. Yes, I still want to believe that good things are yet to come, but my definition of "good things" has been largely readjusted.  We both have new scars inside and out. We changed. Forever. There's no going back to the life we had B.Z (Before Zach), and there's no "getting over it", because this is not something that we need to get over it. We need to learn to live with that, to embrace it and grow from it, and hopefully use it as a ministry to reach others. We took the red pill and saw how deep the rabbit hole goes, we had this "Matrix Moment" ,  saw "reality" and there's no going back after that.

I will embrace grief, take time to heal, and I will keep biting a whole new elephant. One pill at a time. One bite at a time.

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