Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Time to Catch up

Lot's of happening around here lately, hence the reason why the blog has been kind of neglected. I'm kind of scared to see when my last post was, but let's see... I left off with a wooden desk from craigslist that needed a face lift, and now I'm writing on that very same desk. The office is pretty much finished, and now we need to finish our bathroom and bedroom, which are still without doors.

I also need to catch up with my energy levels, since the major remodeling. I've been feeling kind of weak and weary. It was nice to be extra busy and have a "break" to keep the mind and the body occupied, but I feel pretty worn out. David also had his back surgery in the middle of the whole make over. Thank God he's not in this excruciating pain anymore, and now it's just a matter of recovery. A slow but steady recovery and hopefully in about 5 more weeks I will have my hubby back 100%.

Steady and slowly we are getting a new sense of normalcy back. Sometimes after a long day at work we even eat and watch movies at night, just like everyone else. We work and try to connect with each other, and even pretend to function like the rest of the world does. It is HARD. It's easy to believe that we're getting over this rough times, that things will turn around and we might as well win the lottery or something along those lines because we are just like this amazing people who deserves it... but we're not fooling anyone. Yes, I still want to believe that good things are yet to come, but my definition of "good things" has been largely readjusted.  We both have new scars inside and out. We changed. Forever. There's no going back to the life we had B.Z (Before Zach), and there's no "getting over it", because this is not something that we need to get over it. We need to learn to live with that, to embrace it and grow from it, and hopefully use it as a ministry to reach others. We took the red pill and saw how deep the rabbit hole goes, we had this "Matrix Moment" ,  saw "reality" and there's no going back after that.

I will embrace grief, take time to heal, and I will keep biting a whole new elephant. One pill at a time. One bite at a time.

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