Monday, February 20, 2012

Angels along the way

This morning was particularly difficult to wake up, since the Nicu routine is like going trough the same day over and over and OVER again, at this point I hear the monitor beeps in my sleep and the only thing that David and I don't do just yet is giving shots. Pretty soon the Nicu nurses will feel their job jeopardized because we got it all covered: diaper change, temperature check, suctioning,
g-tube cleaning, knowing when to freak out when the monitors go off, etc.

My alarm clock went off this morning and I felt my chest and stomach literally hurting with grieve and sadness, I really just wanted to crawl in bed for a little longer... forever maybe? So the first big accomplishment of the day was putting one foot in front of the other, take a shower and head out to the Nicu. I held Zach in my arms and I felt dispair, I felt hopless and I fell asleep with him in my arms, with all his wires tangled up and with the feeling that there was just no way that David and I could pull this off.

My dad has always believed that I'm pretty though and he tells me:" I don't know how you will pull this off, but I just have the certainty that you will, as you always do with everything else." Today however,  I felt specially restless. I wanted to just leave the hospital screaming and crying and all of the sudden she was there looking for me, the Special Needs Godmother, an angel: Ms Joe.

I love her new york accent, she only takes care of special needs boys (sorry girls) and check this out: She is Baby hungry! when she met Zach it was love at first sight, he stared at her, and even started to make noises and took the pacifier for her. When you've heard from the doctors that there's just no hope, that they fear for his life because of his breathing and muscle weakness and because of the lack of diagnosis, she just appears to tell me that there's always hope, that doctors now a days say: "it's genetic" when they can't figure it out. She says that Zach's gift is to be cuddled and loved, he is very aware of what's going on and he knows that we're there, loving him. She's my Xanax.

"Never loose hope" she says when you're about to just give up, just like a fairy Godmother will do when you're about to just loose it all. 

She makes me feel that everything will be ok, that David and I will be able to give Zach a good life: one filled with love. Thanks to Zach I had the pleasure and honor to meet Joe. She also takes care of a college boy with disabilities, she took care of a boy with Cornelia de Lange syndrome, and another boy with CP.  I'm so grateful that she's in our lives now. What a gift, what a lady, what a godmother!

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